Some thoughts on discipline...

Or rather, my deficiencies in discipline.

I am loud. I am opinionated, intense and often pushy. I'm also particular about how I want things done. Hubs is low key, mild mannered and exceedingly quiet. He's not only a man of few words, he's a man that is often difficult to hear because he speaks so softly.

Before parenthood, or even after parenthood but before toddlerhood, I never in a million years would have that that I would be the soft touch when it came to dealing with tantrums and other 2 year old nastiness, but I am. While Hubs excels at giving "the look" and calming The Boy down with a stern talking to, I flail about uselessly - issuing time outs, warnings of time outs and rhetorical questions like, "are you trying to drive me crazy/give me a heart attack/make me cry???"

I find myself spending what seems like half of every day negotiating - "you have to wear shoes to play outside," "if I spend 20 minutes reading to you can I have 10 to clean," "you can't have a bite of ice cream unless you have 2 more bites of broccoli," and this weeks new favorite, "I'll only read your bedtime stories if you stay in your bed."

It's slowly dawning on me that I am weak. I try to explain the importance of patience when he wants something done NOW, but I usually end up giving in - especially if what he wants is a book read to him. I do my best to explain consequences, patience, rules what-have-you, but I so often feel like a failure. The only thing I seem to be able to get him to do is to pick up his toys if he wants something in return, but with so much of the rest of it I feel like I'm turning my happy little guy into a spoiled little brat. He's totally not a spoiled little brat, but it often feels that way.

Part of my feeling like I've slacked off is that I have finally learned to pick my battles - or been forced to choose my battles, whatever - as opposed to micro-managing every. little. thing like I did when The Boy was younger. It's easier now to let him take his shoes off if he's in his stroller or to wear his shirt backwards if he really wants to. He wants to do things his way, and I'd rather put my foot down when he's throwing his toys around or demanding more ice cream than with dictating his sartorial choices. He really is well behaved for a 2 year old, but I still can't help but feel like I'm doing a bad job at disciplining him when he IS bad. I feel guilty thinking I'm letting him get away with stuff.

So yeah, I'd heard about the self-doubt that afflicts parents but always thought it was hooey or that it wasn't something that deserved any amount of sympathy. Now I know how wrong I was.

This shit is hard!